It's Finally Over. Jeez took a while.

So like after 2 days of awesome chatting and accidentally talking about my feelings for a while. I finally realize and came to my senses that I can't score a not even or just a date with her. Why should I keep pushing myself and picking myself up for her. I can't believe I'm actually saying this but she's obsolete to me. And for the next two years I'm going to reform and try to dictate myself instead of letting my love do it for me. Truly loved 2 girls and both gone. I actually wished, I really didn't meet her and interacted with her. Like hell it slowly rises. Like poison it slowly kills. Thanks Gentlemen Production friend for reading my blogs and caring. I'm sorry I can't really talk about this even though I talked about it to your friend. But yea thanks for reading. Appreciate it.

Oh yea, summer break is almost there. After final exams I know for sure, I'm going to be free until high school is over.

Why does it kill me? Why?

I keep thinking about this one girl and she seems to be like everything I think about now these days. Nothing to do but just think about her. She kills me every time I think about her. But when I hear her voice and see her smiling face, it's like all my worries are gone. I always wonder when that day would come when I know for sure I can get a date with her. I know it will never happen but for some reason, I just keep pushing myself to impress her. She's unforgettable. I just wish I can forget about her sooner or later. It's like poison slowly killing me. Well just gotta get through this year and hope summer clogs my mind with the joyful memories.

ALMOST THERE!! COME ON!

So like it's been since I blogged, but damn, I pretty much kept myself busy with homework, school, sports, and a lot of thinking. Oh jeez, this is a first timer. I usually do one or the other. But hey what can I say? I'm Asian. So I got back into my architecture field again by making this semi-awesome looking gazebo for geometry. And I know for sure I scored a lot of extra points on it because my teacher told me so. But yea. Swimming came to an end! And I'm actually proud of how I ended it too! I cut my 200 free by like a minute! But my 100 free by only like 4 seconds? So I kept myself busy with school after sport ended. But then after the gazebo project. I recently occupied myself thinking. Thinking about when to do this and that. Then I came across a thought about the girl I liked. I recently found out, I fell in love with her. Werid isn't it. Well I know I can't have her, so I tried to give up on her, knowing the fact that it's impossible to get her. While trying to give her up, I stopped becoming bored and started to actually pay attention to my own outside studies and my own hobbies. Also I been working out like crazy! I said after Junior year or maybe halfway through, I'll get the abbs and stomach I been wanting! I'm like 3/7s way there! But yea, thoughts and thoughts. But hey! I'm asian and forever I last!!!

Achoo! SAY WHAT?

So like I spent a couple weeks just chilling and thinking. Thinking about the past and the present girl. I hurt her and never got a chance to tell her that I was really sorry. But now that I think about it, no matter what I said, no words can ever change her mind about me. No matter what, I couldn't just tell her but she once was everything, the highlights of my life. Now all I can say is that she's gone. I tried to forget her but I can't, but I notice that I really don't love her anymore. I actually loved someone new. I think by end of this year, I'm probably gonna screw everything up with her. 2 people I truly loved, One is gone, and one is on the brink of disappearing. Can I keep it going or screw up again? How can you love someone but never find a moment to tell her?